There’s no class in high school on the way to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, we get taught the biology of sex, the legal ins, and outs of marriage, and perhaps we read a couple of obscure love stories from the 19th century on how to not be an ass-face.
Without clear ideas from adults, what we’re left with is essentially trial-and-error, and if you’re like most of the people, it’s mostly error.
One of the issues is that tons of unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our culture. We worship romantic love — you know, this surprising and irrational kind that somehow finds broken Chinese paintings on the wall a somewhat tearful spell — and scoff at practicality or unconventional sexualities. Men and ladies are encouraged to objectify one another and to objectify their relationships. Thus, our partners are often seen as achievements or prizes instead of someone to share mutual emotional support.
Lots of existing self-help literature is not helpful either. And for many folks, mom and pop surely weren’t the simplest examples either.
Fortunately, there’s been tons of psychological research published within the past few decades about healthy and happy relationships, and there are some general principles that keep shooting up that the majority of people are unaware of (or if they are doing know them, they don’t follow them). In fact, a number of these principles actually go against what’s traditionally considered “romantic” or “normal” during a relationship.
Below are six of the foremost common tendencies in relationships that a lot of couples think are healthy and normal but are literally toxic and harming what you care for.
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